I'm here, I'm queer and I may be at your birth!

Hi, I am Aurora. I identify as queer. I have a wife and two kids.

I have a wife. My wife, Lauren. Wife.

It is sad when talking about my family actually makes me scared and I start to feel like I am sitting in a closet.

I originally began writing this blog when I was in somewhat of a downswing and tired of dealing with other peoples homophobic bullshit. Left it alone for 10 months, and now I am ready to rewrite it.

I lived in Seattle before moving to Olympia. Being queer wasn’t weird, and I rarely felt like it was an issue. Then we moved. I loved Oly at first, we made some great friends. We met a few other queer families and over time something shifted.  

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I began to notice it after my son was born and I started to return to doula work. I was at my first interview since maternity leave and the person across the table from me asked what my husband did for work. I responded and said, “my wife is working towards her masters in teaching.” Their body language changed, they shook my hand and thanked me for my time. WTF just happened? I decided to let it go. It must have been a fluke, right?

Another time, I was at a birth. I was wearing Lauren’s school sweater. The client asked, “are you a student at evergreen?” 

I said, “no, my wife is.” She recoiled.  

I found myself backing into a closet more and more. It was a risk, mentioning my family at all, especially when I would go to births where clients were very religious or displayed confederate flags. It has become very uncomfortable for me, and I began clicking my heals “there’s no place like Seattle, there’s no place like Seattle.”

In addition to being a doula I am one of The Birth House birth assistants. I often walk into a birth space having never met the family before. I used to just use terms like “my partner” or “my spouse” or just not even mentioning Lauren unless directly asked.

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In the last 6 months something shifted. I stopped letting people make me feel uncomfortable. It’s 2019! We homo’s are everywhere! Even in your health care. It doesn’t have to be weird.

When people ask me questions, I answer honestly and I don’t dodge questions like “what does your husband do?” I also no longer wonder if clients don’t hire me because I am queer, because quite frankly they are doing me a favor by not putting me in an uncomfortable position later.